Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
