you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
