Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
