Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
