im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
