I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
