it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
