New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
