The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
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Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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