Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
