I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
