So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We are two peas in an std pod
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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