they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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