Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
