The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
