rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
