I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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