I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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