Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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