Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
