Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
