walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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