i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
