My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
