i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
