Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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