i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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