I'm eating all of the evidence.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
