I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
