So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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