haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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