it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
