It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
sex in a hospital.. check
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
