I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
