Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
