I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
