You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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