But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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