how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
