I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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