i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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