I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
