We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
