Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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