My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
