Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
