That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize