Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
