dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
