just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
