I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
