i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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