I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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