It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
