I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Someone signed my nipple.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize