Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
