I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
